James hates Farrah and Farrah hates Austin and Austin hates Janice and Janice hates Jenna and Jenna hates Bobby and Bobby hates…

Strap yourselves in – it’s been a rocky 24 hours in the Celebrity Big Brother house. Luckily, we’re here to talk you through it.

Argument number one

First we had James and Austin asking Farrah if she’d had work done on her bum. And Janice weighed in and told him to apologise.

This is where it starts. But it gets so much worse.

Argument number two

Next Farrah and Jenna made not particularly subtle insinuations about the relationship between James and Austin – and James was not impressed.

James made his point of view clear: “He has not tried to come on to me once…the minute he tries to touch me I’ll be in bed with Bobby Davro.”

But Farrah wasn’t convinced: “Slip ‘n’ slide with that sexuality…that’s you. It’s going to be a slip and slide and you’ll just be in it. You have no boundaries.”

Cue James storming off.

Argument number three

James recounted the conversation with Farrah and Jenna to Austin and Janice. The number one thing Janice took from the conversation is the fact that Farrah claimed to be the queen of reality TV. The former supermodel said: “She’s the queen of reality? What about me?”

Janice decided to bring up the issues with the group.

The insinuations about people’s sexuality were the premise for the confrontation… But it didn’t take long for Janice to get to the heart of the issue, as she screamed at Farrah: “You’re not the queen of reality, I am!”

The heroes in all this? Natasha, pretending to be asleep on the sofa, and Gail, for interrupting to ask Janice what she wants on her toast.

Bobby, in his role as the prime minister of the house, attempted to mediate.

But if anything, it just made things worse. Austin said to Farrah: “You got famous because you were pregnant underage and you stayed famous because you had a sex tape.”

Maybe so, but Austin, are you even famous in the first place?

Anyway, Farrah wasn’t impressed… She said: “You’re a fucking disgrace to humanity. Do you want to go and have a kid so that you can be cool? But you can’t have a kid because you don’t have a fucking vagina!”

And the British public were well and truly on Austin’s side.

Time-out

So then we had Jenna warning James to be careful that he didn’t make a victim of himself…

…then Austin and Farrah clearing the air.

The British public were not impressed.

Argument number four

Now it was time for the Brits to have their moment, and that meant Natasha and Gail stirring things up with Chloe about the fact Stevi was in a hot tub with Jenna and Farrah.

Chloe didn’t seem to care much before that, but suddenly was clearly very impressed – as she proved by telling Stevi that maybe other girls would be jealous, but she was fine. Absolutely. Fine.

Although…

Fair point.

Argument number five

Okay, still with us?

This time Janice wanted a bath but there was no hot water left.

Janice said: “I wanted a fucking bath, okay selfish people, it’s called common fucking decency.”

Jenna: “Don’t be a diva, okay!”

Argument number six

Oh god, we’re losing the will to live. This time it was Austin and Janice arguing about…oh, we don’t know. Something or other. Janice appeared to spit in Austin’s direction.

Argument number seven

Now Bobby attempted to mediate and it went very, very badly. Everyone talked over him, so he said: “How can you talk to these people?”

Jenna did not like that one bit. She called it “discriminatory”.

Argument number eight

Oh god, please end. Please end. Jenna started at Janice again for overreacting about the bath.

And finally…

Janice received a warning for spitting at Austin. “I’m very sorry,” was her response.

So, people. Who are we liking?

There must be someone…

https://twitter.com/DalianUK/status/638454979687280640

Ah, okay. Great. James to win then. See you all tomorrow.