I’m just lost for words at this sheer stupidity

9:15am Monday 23rd June 2008

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I LOST my glasses the other day. Or I should say, misplaced, as this would be more in keeping with the definition in my dictionary.

To lose is, it says, is to cease to have and be unable to find, whereas to misplace is to simply put in the wrong place.

I misplace a lot of things - house keys, car keys, scissors, bag, even shoes get put in bizarre places when I am tired or busy with something else.

These things almost always get found - this is because I misplace them in the house. I have not, in all my years, turned a misplaced' into a lost' by leaving my possessions on a train or bus.

I know I am probably unusual in this respect, and I am not wagging my finger at those who leave umbrellas or scarves on the 7.15am service to Preston.

I'm just one of those people who isn't happy to leave the carriage until they've checked and triple-checked the seats, floor, luggage rack and jacket pockets of the person they've been sitting next to, to make sure nothing is left behind.

It's not difficult to do that, it takes only seconds, although the jacket pockets bit can sometimes be a bit tricky if they're on the inside of the garment.

So what point am I making? I am struggling to understand how so many civil servants, who not only hold responsible jobs, but jobs that have an impact on our national security, can lose so many vitally important documents.

And it's not just documents, these supposedly intelligent people lose laptops too - Ministry of Defence laptops full of top secret information.

What sort of people are they? You get on a train with your briefcase, umbrella and newspaper. You may be distracted as you leave and possibly misplace your paper or brolly, But your bag or laptop? What are they doing to forget such things? No doubt they're travelling first class, where you're not surrounded by the hoi polloi with their anoraks, lunch boxes, Heat magazines and Nintendo handsets.

With spacious seating, and nothing on the table bar your own stuff, how can you forget it?

I've been travelling to work and from work for 25 years, on buses, trains and the London Underground and never left my bag.

I'd like to think these people are being punished severely, but they'll probably get away with a mild ticking off: "You'd forget your head if it wasn't screwed on."

I think it's time to introduce handcuffs. Not to arrest these people - sadly there isn't a punishment for those guilty of sheer stupidity - but to securely bond them with their possessions until they reach their destination.

They used to do that to people carrying huge sums of cash around, well they did in films, and I'm all for it. The phrase red rag to a bull' could be used by those opposed to such a move, but national security has to come first.

The cuffs could easily be hidden by a jacket tossed across the arm, or they could be designed to look like the latest in cutting-edge jewellery.

Better still, don't employ people who have no common sense and are going to lose stuff like this in the first place.