Our lives are being turned inside out...

10:14am Monday 9th June 2008

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Question: When is a garden not a garden? Answer: When it's a kitchen.

'Outdoor kitchens' are all the rage nowadays. I'm not talking boy scouts here.

They are a little more sophisticated than a pile of sticks and a frying pan.

We are talking special ovens fitted into purpose-built walls, with grills and hot plates.

When I first read about the outdoor kitchen I checked the date on the magazine and, no, it wasn't April 1.

It's one step beyond chimeneas, those bulbous terracotta things that have been appearing on people's patios over the past few years.

And they've no doubt been designed to sit alongside the outdoor fireplaces that have started to pop up in garden centres.

Outdoor living' as it is commonly referred to in advertisements, is big business.

Hot tubs are no longer the domain of posh hotels in the French Alps, people now have them in their back gardens. I toyed with the idea, but decided that I'd rather bathe in the privacy of my own bathroom with the blind down than in the garden in view of my neighbours.

The only tub I want on the lawn is the bird bath, which becomes white water mayhem when the starlings go for a dip. That's a far nicer sight than me and my husband bobbing about.

Our local DIY store is brimming with outdoor furniture and lighting, so much so that you could virtually replicate your house in the garden. There are chairs with co-ordinated cushions, garden tables far posher than anything inside my home, lamps, and chandeliers. I've even spotted garden pillows'.

There are whirlpool spas and gazebos - the only thing that seems to be missing is the outside toilet. For any would-be entrepreneur looking for a gap in the market, I reckon the time is right to re-introduce this much-maligned feature of our past.

I mean, if you're at the bottom of the garden, eating and drinking in your outdoor kitchen, you'll need to go at some point. Wouldn't it be great if you could avoid having to trek all the way up the garden to the loo?

I think we're going slightly overboard on the concept of outdoor living. For a start, we're supposed to be cutting out light pollution and reducing our carbon footprints, yet we're encouraged to stick hundreds of lights in our gardens.

I once passed a house with so many I actually mistook it for an airport landing strip. I can tell you, my heart skipped a few beats before I realised my mistake.

Then there's those patio heaters pumping out carbon dioxide. If it's cold, go inside. Or stick on a fleece.

I blame climate change for this move towards outdoor living. It's the same as the notion of Britain being a cafe society, where we all eat out morning, noon and night.

I hate to be the one to point it out, but hasn't anyone noticed it's getting colder not warmer. It's June, and I'm still wearing woollen cardigans and taking a hot water bottle to bed.

Come to think of it, we probably need those outdoor cookers after all - to keep us warm on chilly August afternoons.