Helen Mead: The 'one foot in the grave' list

Chorley Citizen: Helen Mead: The 'one foot in the grave' list Helen Mead: The 'one foot in the grave' list

Forget wrinkles and grey hair - a liking for sprouts could be a sign of ageing.

As a child, in common with millions of other youngsters, I tried to avoid the vegetable at all costs. I would ask myself who in their right mind wants to eat soggy balls of mush, tasting of cardboard?

Forty years on and I can’t get enough of them. I love sprouts, in fact I ate a plateful last night, with a bit of liver and onion. “It’s a sign of growing old,” my friend told me, “The older you get, the more you like sprouts.”

Interestingly, that’s not the only unconventional sign of ageing in my life that people have commented upon. "How old ARE you? my teenage daughter asked when I offered her a boiled sweet from my car's glove compartment. I haven't gone so far as cushions on the back shelf, but I'm considering it.

My choice of television viewing is also on my children's 'one foot in the grave' list: Countryfile, Michael Portillo's railway journeys, Gardener's World and anything to do with antiques. Like my daughters, I used to hate these sorts of TV programme. Like them, I would huff and puff when my parents chose them. But now I enjoy them, and I can't pinpoint when I made that switch - was I 40, or 50, when my perfect Friday night began to involve a glass of wine and Gardener's World? I really don't know.

Even my taste in wine has changed. I used to drink only white, despite my dad telling me I should broaden my tastes and learn to enjoy red. Now I almost always buy red.

I go to bed after the ten o clock news - another sure sign of ageing. I rarely see midnight, unless I'm getting up for one of umpteen nightly trips to the loo. I’d like to say that this was a sign of growing old, but sadly I’ve had the same nocturnal lavatory habits for at least 20 years.

And I wake up early, keen to get out of bed and have a strong cup of tea (another OAP-in-waiting box ticked).

When I was a student and I had to get up for a lecture after getting in from a club at 4am, I'd look at the old people on the 8am bus to town and ask myself why they got up so early. Now I know.

It seems unfair that, as I qualify on all these counts, I can't have a free bus pass and TV licence. It's just my birth certificate holding me back. Maybe if I apply and explain how strongly I fit the bill, they can make an exception.

I even like Werther's Originals, for heaven’s sake.

Comments (14)

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12:21pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

Eating less red meat is always helpful. I don't know which part of "leaving you is the only thing that can actually kill me " you don't understand.
Eating less red meat is always helpful. I don't know which part of "leaving you is the only thing that can actually kill me " you don't understand. Ken Shuffles

12:30pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

The older I get the more I realise the need to take care of my posture bones and diet.
The older I get the more I realise the need to take care of my posture bones and diet. Ken Shuffles

12:32pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

Without the perfect feeling what is the point of posture bones and diet ? I don't even know.
Without the perfect feeling what is the point of posture bones and diet ? I don't even know. Ken Shuffles

12:40pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

I discovered the perfect feeling when I was very young and became a student of perfection. I had no one who could teach me anything about perfection until I met him. I was nineteen.
I discovered the perfect feeling when I was very young and became a student of perfection. I had no one who could teach me anything about perfection until I met him. I was nineteen. Ken Shuffles

12:41pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

At almost sixty I'm twice the man I was in my thirties.
At almost sixty I'm twice the man I was in my thirties. Ken Shuffles

12:50pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

Without the feeling of perfection, I don't see the point of heavens and hells or age.
Without the feeling of perfection, I don't see the point of heavens and hells or age. Ken Shuffles

12:58pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

Having both feet out of the grave can't be done without perfection.
Having both feet out of the grave can't be done without perfection. Ken Shuffles

1:02pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

Although, both of your feet work for me wherever they go.
Although, both of your feet work for me wherever they go. Ken Shuffles

4:10pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

Don't start me off on your little toes and seeing you smile just changes my whole day. We like the same friday night things.
Don't start me off on your little toes and seeing you smile just changes my whole day. We like the same friday night things. Ken Shuffles

4:12pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

Whatever moves you moves me too.
Whatever moves you moves me too. Ken Shuffles

4:18pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

Something Timeless touches you and you become Timeless. It works the same way when Perfection touches you.
Something Timeless touches you and you become Timeless. It works the same way when Perfection touches you. Ken Shuffles

4:22pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

You might not be looking for your perfect feeling, but your perfect feeling is looking for you.
You might not be looking for your perfect feeling, but your perfect feeling is looking for you. Ken Shuffles

4:23pm Tue 10 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

Debenhams friday lunch 1pm.
Debenhams friday lunch 1pm. Ken Shuffles

11:59am Wed 11 Dec 13

Ken Shuffles says...

Blackburn.
Blackburn. Ken Shuffles

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